I remember very vividly the very first time I had an aspiration, a goal, a dream.
Fourth grade, all I seem to remember is the time I had humiliated myself in front of my entire class of nearly 30 students including teachers. I grew as red as the wrapping for Lindt chocolate as I hung my head down in shame so that my eyes couldn’t meet my peers. It was my very first play.
It was every student’s dream to become rich and famous one day in elementary school. Coming from a family that was, to say the least, still adjusting to the move from the UK to Canada, it made a whole lot of sense to me. After all, I thought to myself “Gee, if I’m rich and famous, I can easily give back to my family for all their hard work and make my life so much easier. With that kind of life, I’m completely invincible!” At least, I thought it was that easy.
With that goal in my mind, the opportunity just so happened to present itself. My teacher had the brilliant idea to film a class play that could be used to educate us for class but also serve as a reminder of our elementary brilliance. So, she decided we would make our own play out of a cartoon we watch all the time to ensure our German is up to par. It was called Tom und das Erdbeermarmeladebrot Mit Honig (Tom and the Slice of Bread with Strawberry Jam and Honey) Quite the mouth full for non-German audiences, wouldn’t you say?
(Here is an episode! 🙂 )
The class gathered together in the old classroom to get our roles for the play, and I was easily the most eager student in the room at that moment. To be honest, everyone else seemed quite miserable towards the thought of doing a play, but I was still happy.
The only issue was that I never got a role, so I decided to let my teacher know.
“Frau Lehrer, what’s my role” I muttered with a child-like innocence.
She was quite surprised that I never got a role, so she managed to scramble through the script and see what job needed doing. Of course, she forgot the most important role to hand out. Yes, it would the fabled Sign Bearer.
With this imperative role now resting in my hands, it was time I learned the blocking and lines that came with the whole sign holding deal. On the day of the filming, I was handed a poorly made sign with a single red heart on it. The sign was my life, it was my identity, and the very foundation for my future. With this sign, people would see my talent in the performing arts, and soon enough I would be working with some of the industries biggest talents. Indeed, I was a small boy with big dreams at that moment.
It came time to finally prove myself as a worthy member of the class, as before this moment I had been an introvert with only one friend to keep myself from complete loneliness. Getting up on that stage was invigorating, which would have been the case if it weren’t for the actual blocking.
“Just hold the sign up when they hug and you can go.” She demanded.
Immediately all my previous joy and happiness fled my body. How would people recognize my talent if they couldn’t hear me speak? I was being blocked by two actors, too! I was disappointed, but remained slightly optimistic, which would have been the case if it weren’t for what happened next.
The two characters gave each other a pleasant hug, and I raised the sign over their heads with pride.
“No, try that again.” Frau Lehrer ordered.
Again I tried my best to hold up the sign and get the timing right. Somehow I made a mess of it again and my teacher began to get furious with me.
“Do it again, Tim!” She scorned.
I tried one last time, praying that I had done it right enough for her to not kick me out of the play.
She kicked me out of the play.
With my failure to raise a sign-up, she found someone else that could take my place; however, they did it perfectly the first try. So, I took the walk of shame down the steps and into the rows of seats scattered across the gym. My face was fuming with embarrassment, and there was absolutely no way I could look up to face any of my peers after how much I had humiliated myself.
I thought there might be a second chance for me to perhaps play a role that was less difficult, so I approached my teacher and asked.
As a response, she erupted with anger and shooed me away from her sight and told me to take a seat and not interrupt the filming. I obeyed and found the farthest seat from anyone I could find, and at that moment all I could do was reflect on what I had done. I thought that no celebrity in the world could mess up something so simple like I did. There I gave up any dreams I had of being the biggest success since Leonardo DiCaprio in the Titanic.
References
Permeate (n.d.). [image] Available at: https://rachelbtw.tumblr.com/post/164335748899 [Accessed 13 Mar. 2018].
Temporary Tattoos (n.d.). Dream Kanji Temporary Tattoo. [image] Available at: https://temporarytattoos.com/dream-kanji [Accessed 13 Mar. 2018].