To Sleep, my many thoughts:
I can’t remember a single word…
Just moments of me drifting in and out of consciousness…
But I am not dying…
I am merely partially alive.
Why do I need you? Science cannot comprehend why I need you so much, nor can I. Yet, I could never live without you. I enjoy having you and indulging in the sanctuary that you offer me. You take away so much but give so very little. When I have you, my life is a little easier. When you’re not here, my life suddenly becomes a nightmare I could never enjoy. All I can see are blurs through a glass and the looming presence of darkness that is the world behind my eyelids.
I enjoy your presence so much so that I believe it is you who will cause the end of my life. You have taken so much opportunity from me with your offers of release from my treacherous mortal coil. I merely wish to be in one world for all time, never constantly switching back and forth between worlds stealing beauty from the other. Be it permanent darkness, or perhaps everlasting light, there is simply no chance I could transition between both plains of existence each and every single day. Not one chance.
However, I have learned to cope with your grip on my very existence. It was you that attached one of many padlocks that suppress my being from creating masterpieces. I have overcome your hold on me, and I am no longer bound by your music.
The padlock that covered my vision, falls with a clashing blow to my bedrooms floor, now my eyes are free.
I can see the world that was once a blur to me and my fading eyes, and with them, I will write tales of beauty and wonder. Perhaps about the girl from the café, or the evergreen forests of the Shire. Words meet sight now, and this is the gift that you stole from me years ago. My vision is a blessing, and I will cherish it for as long as I can write what I see.
Regardless, I have a lifetime of things to see, while you stay in the shadows as a now dreaded memory of what was once reality.
Though my body remains bound by chain and padlock, for now, there will come a time when I am once again able to move as freely as a child still free from the shackles of adolescence.
That time will come,
but for now, I return your name…
and I never intend to take it again.
Sincerely,
TS
References
rebloggy (2015). [image] Available at: http://rebloggy.com/post/gif-gifs-black-and-white-depressed-depression-sad-suicidal-lonely-pain-hurt-slee/88922633813 [Accessed 6 Mar. 2018].
SamuraiBaby (2009). sleep. [image] Available at: http://www.samuraibaby.com/kanji/gallery.php?page=12 [Accessed 6 Mar. 2018].